Self-esteem defined as the subjective evaluation of your own worth.
To put it simply, it’s the way you think about yourself.
Self-esteem is important for confidence and serves as a great source of motivation.
Too bad it’s such a fragile thing, though.
You see, high self-esteem is something that comes off as natural to some of us, and to a very large degree, it is genetic.
That being said, self-esteem and confidence are changing their very nature, and there are multiple forms of influence that shape your mind.
In other words, your self-esteem is a fragile thing, no matter how hardened. Meaning that if you smash it enough it’s going to break very quickly.
The scary part is that the process can take years to complete.
Why is it scary? Well, picture a 10-feet-long race done over the course of an entire month.
If you were to just sit there and watch it from start to finish you won’t be able to actually notice any movement, assuming they are moving at all times at the same speed.
It’s the same thing here, your self-esteem can be shattered very quickly, the fact that it doesn’t only make it more dangerous – you will never see it coming.
Luckily for you, I’m here to see it coming for you.
I wrote a list of things that lower self-esteem, review this one list (it’s the only one you are going to need), and don’t fall for any of these traps.
Right, so with all of that being said, here’s a list of 4 things that lower self-esteem that you should totally avoid.
1) Taking things people say to heart
Muggsy Bogues was a 5’3 foot tall NBA player, the shortest to ever reach the big leagues. he was drafted back in 1987 at the 12th pick despite his lacking height, through the sheer numbers he was able to pull off in his college years.
Jumping to 1995, after an above average career, Muggsy came face-to-face with none other than Michael Jordan himself.
Muggsy’s team was losing by one, and he had a chance to shoot a basket that will turn the game around.
Before he managed to do it he briefly locked eyes with Jordan. The man looked at him and said: “shoot it you midget!”
Muggsy missed horribly, Jordan caught the rebound and the game ended as a loss for Muggsey’s team.
This was the beginning of the end for the small player, his scoring percentage dropped by nearly half, as did most of his stats from that point on.
A year later Muggsy admitted told his coach, Johnny Bach, that this one moment has ruined his career.
Muggsy lost his brilliant, multi-million dollars career over some trash talking that he took to heart.
Tell me that’s not scary.
Even if someone says things to you that make you feel slightly insulted or humiliated it’s already a problem.
You need to be able to shrug off anything to truly guard your self-esteem, or develop it to the point where it simply doesn’t bother you.
The point is this – you shouldn’t be taking any of that nonsense to heart because it will be creating lasting damages, whether you notice them or not.
2) The “you master anything you put your mind to” myth
To some people failures serve as a great source of motivation, they mature over the process of failing and become greater than ever.
As such, these people wait to failure with open arms.
Unfortunately, most of us hate failing, just as much as we hate not being superior.
Fact is, failing sucks, there’s no way to sugarcoat it, and while you could see the best in that situation you probably won’t be able to.
School taught us to avoid failure, to achieve perfect scores and so on. This actually goes well with one of humanity’s primal desires.
You see, people want to be superior, or more specifically, acknowledged as superior. You might say that only arrogant people are like that.
Don’t believe me? Well, think about it for a moment.
A lot of marketing campaigns make it a point to advertise their product as not only the best but as the most luxurious too.
Why do you think is that? Because top marketers know about your unconscious need to be the best and have the best, to compare with other people and come out on top, which is why they market their products as so exclusive, this little tip-off also allows them to charge much larger sums of money from people for that very feeling.
Reality doesn’t work that way
The sad truth is that life doesn’t work that way, you won’t be superior and have the most luxurious things just because you want to.
It’s extremely naive, not to mention damaging, to believe in such a thing.
Say you make it your life goal to become an elite runner. You are ready to dedicate years of your life into intense, rigorous training to master the art of running.
After all of that, you will experience a huge level of improvement.
But will you be the best? probably not.
How about being a great runner? Possibly not either.
There are many factors to consider, such as body type and diet.
It simply comes down to the point where there are people who are simply biomechanically engineered to run quickly and efficiently.
After all, why is it that most great runners are from Kenya?
Buying into the hype of “anything is possible” is a damaging thing. You put in a lot of effort only to fail to achieve your goals. All the while believing it was your fault and breaking down because of that.
I don’t say it so that you give up before even trying, that’s a terrible idea, but so that you don’t believe yourself to be this unstoppable, unfathomable creature of endless possibilities, because your really aren’t.
You can still be very good at anything you put your mind to, but there is always someone that’s going to be much better, so tone down this need of yours for superiority.
3) Trying to be extroverted
People are social creatures by nature, some more than others.
That’s precisely the problem.
Say you suffer from social anxiety.
You feel weird being around other people, so you try to talk to seem more normal. After all, all of them seem to be talking a lot, so why not you?
Do you see it yet? You try to be someone that you aren’t.
“But that’s basic stuff!” I hear you say, and I laugh, because it isn’t!
It’s fine to be introverted, and screw anyone who tells you otherwise. This isn’t just advice for introverts either. Even if you are and extrovert you may end up taking a “time out”, all the while feeling that you should communicate and be more social.
That’s a terrible mistake, you will come off as being forced and not genuine, people are good at reading emotions and they will notice it very quickly.
These unstable social interactions lower your confidence over time, make you more closed and distance you from other people because of that.
Instead, you should willingly distance yourself from other people whenever you feel like it, or just close your mouth and observe when you don’t feel like talking.
4) Thinking that random people care about you.
A few years back I almost got into a fight with some pretty nasty chef over a certain incident.
It was something so dumb and trivial that it amazes me to this day.
I was at a cafeteria back at work and walked in early to grab a cup of water, the chef noticed me while I was standing with a cup full of water in hand.
He told me that I wasn’t allowed to go in here.
I told him I already filled my cup, and that after drinking it I will wait outside.
In return, he told me that he doesn’t care and that I should put it down and leave before he calls someone to deal with me.
I rolled my eyes and started drinking.
A moment later he was all in my face, breathing down on my neck, and threatening to throw me off the stairs because I was such a “punk”. He knocked my drink all over my shirt too.
I recall feeling threatened, so I not-so-politely told him to leave me alone.
I was depressed at the time, yet the fact that I was emotionally unstable made me more likely to lash out violently at someone despite that.
He shoved me and pointed at the door, so I shoved him back.
Wow, that escalated quickly, huh?
By now people already started coming over to the cafeteria. Needless to say that the rumor spread very quickly: “That loner weirdo Vlad picked a fight with the chef from the cafeteria.”
Boy, isn’t that a fine headline?
Yet over the weekend everyone seemed to forget it completely. Such a big incident, never to be mentioned again.
That’s when I realized something important – people don’t care about me.
Sure, they might be talking behind my back and so on, yet, in reality, I was the least of their concerns.
People normally live busy lives, and most strangers and acquaintances won’t take the time to consider you as anything more than a nuisance.
Sure, they may think that you are odd, but in the grand scheme of things you really aren’t worth their time, so stop trying to impress people that you don’t care about because they don’t care about you either.
Worrying about what they say or do only serves to bring your down and nothing more.
I will be updating this list over time, since the amount of things that lower your self-esteem is monstrously big.
They all come from the very same issue, though – you have low self esteem because you allow yourself to have low self esteem.
It’s all about perception, as long as you learn to roll with life and do whatever you feel like, not giving a damn, everything will be well.
Right, so here’s a quick question for you – Did you ever commit any of these mistakes?
Make sure to write down your answer in the comment section below, I read every single one of them.
In case you would like to ask me something personal feel free to send an email, I will get in touch with you as soon as possible