5 Reasons Why Depressed People are Annoying

Please just shut up (!!!)
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Look, as someone who experienced depression first hand (and still does), I feel that I have earned the right to say this.
Depressed people are annoying to be around.

Let me re-phrase that: Depressed people can be incredibly infuriating to be around.
Although I was already incredibly infuriating to be around to begin with, my depression only made it worse.

Sure, some of you may dislike the entire idea of this article, and that’s reasonable.
This article is not meant to hurt anyone, depression is a very real thing, the type of thing that some of us struggle with daily.

And to be fair, messing with the depressed or insulting them is a big no-no.

That being said, depressed people can often time be a nuisance without really meaning to be.
Depression twists our minds in certain ways that can frankly make us a bother.

Not only that, but those of us who aren’t depressed are forced to tolerate this type of behavior, which is entirely unfair.

But I think most non-depressed folks already knew that.
So here’s an eye-opener for those few with real, actual depression – you are annoying to deal with.
And you know what? that’s perfectly fine!

Your condition is entirely reasonable, your struggles are certainly real, but you are a difficult person to be around.
What do I mean? Let’s see now…

1) They are very self-centered and selfish

Back when I was in the military, and was depressed as a direct result of that, I got called out by multiple people for being selfish.

Keep in mind, most of those people were officers who tried to use shaming tactics against me, but my point still stands.

I’ve already discussed this point once before, but people with depression are extremely selfish by nature.

This type of behavior wouldn’t be otherwise acceptable among most groups of people.
For example, if a co-worker were to tell you that he “doesn’t feel like” working today, or doing anything in particular, you would get pretty pissed at him.

Yet this is exactly the case with depressed people and you have every right to get annoyed at them for it.

Some people try to corner those depressed people and force them to “snap out of it”, but that’s a really dumb thing to do.

2) They are entitled

In a way, this is actually a direct continuation to my previous point.

I try to keep negative people away from my own life, as they do nothing but drag me down, yet sometimes there is no other way but to listen to their struggles.

One such occurrence revolved around a friend of mine, who suddenly got depressed.
So far so good, right? I mean, I myself struggled with depression so I felt as though I could help him out.

And I did.
We talked a lot, I listened and gave my advice – whenever he needed help I was sure to be there for him.
Yet all of my advice was disregarded and ignored.

Now don’t get me wrong, most people know next to nothing about the inner workings of depression, but I felt as though I had a bit of a perspective on the matter.
I shared what I knew, and he just blew it off as “it won’t work for me” or “I tried this already”

He didn’t.
He already gave up on his struggle against depression, being too comfortable with this state of mind.
Not planning to change anything.

Nothing can really help a person who isn’t willing to help himself.

In a way, depressed people are like kings.
Sitting high on their throne and looking for someone else to solve their problems, all the while disregarding any answer that isn’t to their liking without a second thought.

There is not gratitude there.
It’s a fundamental flaw in their thinking – they care little for practically anything.

Let’s be real here, at the moment they don’t care for your efforts – they want these feelings to stop but aren’t really willing to do anything about that.
That doesn’t mean that you should stop trying to help them though (we’ll get to that bit later on).

Depressed woman

3) They are plain needy and you are forced to take responsibility for them

People in modern society enjoy treating depressed people as though they are fragile little dolls who can’t be touched (or else!).

They need to be listened to and supported, and guess on whom this responsibility falls? You!

A few years back I had this emo guy that suddenly entered my (practically nonexistent) social circle.
You know, dressing black, talking about odd philosophies and being emotionally scarred.
The full package.

Honestly? I could not stand the guy.
He would always talk about how people in this world are struggling, and how depressed they are.
It was when he told us about how yet another one of his friends nearly committed suicide is when I snapped at him.

In my defense, it wasn’t much.
We were talking over skype when he suddenly decided to drop this bomb on us, everyone got really uncomfortable but didn’t say anything.

So I did.
I told him that people like these are a toxic influence and that it wasn’t his secret to share.
The guy made a big show out of it and told me that I was too scared of my own emotions before leaving the conversation.

We haven’t spoken since.

Yet somehow I was at fault here, despite being perfectly polite and reasonable.
Apparently, I should have just closed my mouth and ignored/listened to him or something. I dunno.

You need to walk on eggshells around them and tolerate their quirks.
That’s pretty messed up, considering you wouldn’t do it for anyone else under most circumstances.

4) They tend to force their world views on others

When I tried to help my friend with his depression he just blew me off, going on about how life is meaningless and so on.

Really, would you like to be friends with this type of person?
Honestly, he did nothing but talk about how horrible everything is.

They say that misery loves company, and depressed people love other depressed people.
You are the average of the people you choose to spend time with – it’s only a matter of time before you become more similar to them.

My tone may be light but I am not making light of this situation – depressed people are toxic and a bad influence.

If at all possible, a rational person should avoid them like the plague.
But then again, maybe you shouldn’t (but we’ll get to that later on)

5) They are terrible people to be around

From an outside perspective, depressed people are just plain bad people to hang out with.
They have no sense of humor and they seem to have poor reactions towards everything.

They never want to hang out, they have nothing interesting to say and they tend to be very bland as far as personalities go.

But how is this annoying? After all, can’t you just walk away? You probably don’t spend time with people you don’t like, right?

But what if those depressed people are friends and family? In that case, talking to them might often times seem as though you are talking to a wall.

The worst part is that often times, depressed people can be just as bland as any wall.
But your contribution is very much necessary.

hugging a loved one

All of that being said, you shouldn’t turn your back on them

If we were to be fully objective then depressed people are some of the worst people you can spend your time with.

But humans aren’t really objective and rational creatures to begin with.
As such, you really shouldn’t ignore those people who are in need.

Look, the lifetime prevalence of major depression is, on average, anywhere between 14%-19% of the population.
Furthermore, about 6.7% of all U.S citizens suffer from depression at any given moment.

What does this mean? Well, for one thing, it means that you probably know at least one person who has suffered from depression.
Possibly even a few who are currently struggling with this disorder.

If you had a broken arm, I don’t think you would be acting normal, would you? Believe it or not, it’s the same thing for depressed people.
Yet most don’t outrage at the fact that people with broken bones don’t care about anything but their own pain, yeah?

Besides, you aren’t really making life easier for them either.

My suggestion would be to help them out or, at the very least, to not get in their way.
If you can’t seem to tolerate them then walk away, don’t say anything dumb or offensive.
Better to not make an idiot out of yourself, believe me.

What do you think?

So after hearing me go on and on about the shortcomings of depressed people, what do you think?
Do you help them out? Do you tolerate them? Do you maybe coddle them too much?

Whatever it is, I would love to hear more about it!
Make sure to write down your thoughts in the comment section below, I always love hearing about them!

If you happen to be outraged by this article then I apologize (although perhaps a bit too late).
If you got any personal questions you would like to ask me then feel free to send an email.

Email: VladOsipkov@projectconquest.org

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30 Replies to “5 Reasons Why Depressed People are Annoying”

  1. Well, here it goes.
    you are 100 percent right, they are totally annoying and selfish. They suck the life out of you and they are the most self centered and negative people I have ever had the misfortune of coming into contact with.
    you cannot do enough for them. Why don’t you people ever consider that us regular joes have wants, needs and feelings too?

    1. You are right of course, your viewpoint goes to show that depressed people tend to force themselves on others.

      Still, without the help of others, some of them may never recover.
      It is my belief that, among friends and family, you are to be as patient and helpful as you can.
      If you can’t do that much then, well, you aren’t exactly being a good friend.

    2. As someone with not only depression but bipolar and high levels of anxiety, i find that belitteling to the people who do suffer such as myself. I do in fact consider the people around me and there wants and also there needs and the fact that you claim that we are selfish and that we “suck the life out of you” is borderline offensive. By saying that rather than opening up your heart and showing compassion to those who suffer you single handedly may have taken away someones voice or a chance to speak out. if that was a close friend or a family member who was stuggling you wouldnt turn your back against them. i like to think myself as being fun and happy go lucky regardless of my illness you have to take into account that although some depressed people are more vocal about their illness compared to those who dont suffer with a mental illness such as depression we dont do that in order to bore you or be selfish we do that in order to cope and to understand that although everyone may not understand we are not alone in fighting against something that is wired into the mind that can change from person to person. talking is coping especially for something like myself.

      1. Hello Anna,

        I’m sorry that you found this post hurtful, it was not my intention to insult you.

        Depression is something that you should discuss with other people, and it is proven that simply talking about your condition can improve your mental health considerably.

        The purpose of this article was twofold:

        On one hand, to caution depression sufferers from opening their hearts to the wrong people – Doing so will only cause them to reject you, either by ignoring you or reaction in a volatile way, both of which will make your condition worse.

        On the other hand, it is meant as a warning for people who do not suffer from depression but know/are friends with people who do.
        When writing this article I had hoped that some of these people would learn to recognize this type of behavior and become more tolerant of it.

        I am not a licensed professional – I have written this article based on personal experience.
        My own mother helped me with my depression more than anyone else. Alternatively, I have pushed away many people due to the way that I was acting.

        I just hopped to help spare at least some of my readers the same faith.

        Vlad

  2. I have bipolar depression and I cannot refute all of the claims in this article, as hurtful and derogatory, and overgeneralized as they are (at least in my opinion). I know that you’ve been through it and this is based on what you’ve seen and experienced, but I sure hope you know better than to place all depressed people in these stereotypical categories. I know so many depressed people (myself included) who hide their depression from friends and family for fear of being labeled this way. If we stay quiet, we suffer in silence. If we speak out and reach for help, then according to this article, we are “terrible,” “needy,” and “entitled.” I personally would rather be told straight away that I’m annoying and selfish, than have the displeasure of having “friends” who secretly view me in the way that this article does. Thank you for the insight and the small section at the end where you encourage people to not abandon their depressed friends. But I honestly don’t think that dwelling on offensive stereotypes is going to help anyone, especially the people who don’t know how to reach out to a friend in need.

    1. Hello there, thanks for reaching out.

      You are right of course, hiding your depression from people who genuinely want to help you is a terrible thing to do and will only hurt you.
      But I myself have pushed away many people by coming on too strong with my disorder.

      Many depressed people, including myself, want to share what they feel with others, and most people just don’t want to hear that.
      And there’s nothing wrong with that.

      The point is that you should choose a small group of people that truly want to help you and focus your efforts on them. They are the only ones who will put a sincere effort into helping you.
      others are simply not got to care, and either hurt you with their uncaring nature or be hurt by your overpowering self.

      Look, I know that these comments might be hurtful, but better to be hurt by a person you don’t know than someone that you’ve considered a friend up to that point.

      Cheers,
      Vlad

    2. I agree so much with you about hiding everything and suffering on your own in order to not be criticized like this, and I also cannot refute the allegations made in the article.i think that’s because even though we hide our pain and try to fight on our own , the suffering unconsciously make us into a selfish, entitled , needy sort of person. The only difference is that ppl consider it as a part of having a shitty personality instead of relating it to mental illness and pitying us!

      1. Depression is definitely not an easy thing to go through.
        I wish you the best of luck!

  3. Hello Vlad,
    I have a sister who is severely depressed and super duper annoying.!! I am literally baby sitting her and she is 33 years old. The worst part is that i feel I am slowly slipping into depression staying with her. I am not a positive person to begin with but i do have an analytical thinking. Parents are not at all supportive and leaving her with them is going to make her worse. But her selfishness and stupidity just seems to increase everyday and i have been offensive to her too in the heat of the moment. She is into therapy but the counselling doesnt seem to help much.. I have also almost lost my patience with her. What do i do! She has been depressed for 2 years now and is speaking about suicide almost everyday.

    1. Hey there, thanks for reaching out.
      I should make it clear right off the bat that I am not a licensed professional.

      I understand that your sister might be difficult to deal with, but she is your sister all the same.
      You are expected to be one of the few who will genuinely be patient with her and support her, and I realize that this might be unfair, but that’s how it is.

      In my case, counseling also proved to be rather unhelpful – have you tried other forms of therapy?
      Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for example, is a method that focuses on treating depression through habits.

      Having a balanced diet, exercising regularly and practicing meditation are a few examples of things that can genuinely help.
      I have covered these topics on my website extensively, so feel free to check them out.

      That being said, overcoming depression takes effort – there are no magical solutions.

      Cheers,
      Vlad

  4. No you shouldn’t always care for depressed person. You aren’t a caretaker and there I’d chance they make you feel afwull. Sometimes the right thing to do is take distance for your own sake. I tried to help my depressed friend and nothing worked. He couldn’t be happy for me either. I had enough. My own mental health is more important to me.

    1. Hi,

      Well, naturally you shouldn’t try and give more to them than you are willing.
      Still, many people who suffer from depression genuinely reach out to get help instead of forcing their worldview on others.
      It’s up to their friends to provide support, unless they’re unwilling to of course, which is also fine.

      Cheers,
      Vlad

  5. Yes, hurtful as it sounds, mood disordered people can be very, very difficult to be around (especially if you cannot walk away if they are family). Yes, their suffering is real, as with a broken bone. The difference is they break their bones over and over again. Or blame you for breaking them. Or want you to feel the pain of the break for them. Or deny they are broken to begin with when others can clearly see the break. If people with actual breaks acted this way then yes, their friends would likely distance themselves. That is the difference when mood disorders get compared to things like cancer. I think all are entitled to compassionate, non-stigmatizing care. No one is entitled to a relationship, those must be earned.

    1. Hey Bob,

      Your assessment is certainly fair, but a relationship goes both ways.
      It may be expected of them to be more sensible, but it is also expected of you to be a friend and provide support.
      Being supportive and helping a friend in need are two requirements of friendship.

      That being said, in some cases it is best to give up on said friendship altogether.

      Cheers,
      Vlad

  6. Depression is a treatable mental disorder – instead of being unhelpful and complaining please guide them towards help. From personal experience, CBT is extremely helpful (unless in severe cases, where medication might be necessary). Although I understand you are entitled to your own opinion, I hope we work together to treat as many people as we can with depression

    1. Hi there,

      This entire website is dedicated to help depression and anxiety sufferers with their condition.
      This article is meant to do the same thing.
      After all, it is important to recognize how our condition affects others. I have pushed away many people because I did not understand this very fact.

      Hence why I built this website.

      Cheers,
      Vlad

  7. Thank you for shedding light on the effects of depression on the people who care for them most.
    It’s really hard to walk on eggshells, be helpful, understanding, a good listener while the person you are helping is struggling to survive not realizing that they are being difficult, offensive and or self centered. It can really hurt when they say things to you or others that are unfair and hurtful, do to their filter being obscured by depression.

    1. You are of course correct in saying that depression sufferers are not an easy demographic, but once they choose to try and get better the results can be quite a sight to behold.

  8. yep. Depressed people do get labeled like this which adds to the guilt and the suffering.

    1. You are absolutely right, which is why getting treated is so important.

  9. I agree! I can only be around depressed people for so long. They’re mentally draining for me. I agree with those who said that their ow mental health is more important.

    My first gut reaction is that if someone is vocal or “obvious” about being depressed, it’s because they’re seeking attention. And not always because they seriously want help. The “misery loves company” adage. They want to prove to other people that they are suffering miserably. And then there’s the media, slapping the “depression” label on every little bit of sadness anyone should ever experience.

    All in all, I will offer advice if it seems they’re seeking it. Just don’t expect me to be your lifetime caretaker and sounding board. YOU yourself are what ultimately makes you depressed. I think we’re too quick to disregard our own ability to fix ourselves. I think cognitive therapy (if the patient actually attempts it) will achieve way more than chugging pills to just dull any feeling at all. But pills are an easier route than addressing your life. How many doctors just give people a prescription as the first course of action, right?

    Not to say that some people should n’t take medication, at least initially, but there are some things that pills just can’t fix. I honestly believe that a lot of the “chemical imbalances” that we suffer are from our own response to our lifestyle: being overweight, divorce, stressed over school or bills, work, etc. people are hard put to stray off the usual responses, and prefer instead to take the ingrained go-to route.

    1. It should be noted that most cases of depression, 60% of them, did not qualify as a depressive disorder upon re-evaluation.
      That being said, the vast majority of cases of depression were never diagnosed in the first place – most people with depression don’t really talk about their condition all that much.

  10. This is not what ‘depressed’ people do, this is what ‘selfish’ people do. There are lots of people who suffer in silence and there are lots of people who try to do everything they can to help themselves. I read through this entire article and I found it very annoying, but your heart was in the right place.

    1. I think that to some degree we are all selfish.

      Suffering in silence is absolutely terrible for your mental health, but depression *can* make you push other people away.
      The point here is that being mindful of who you approach and how you approach them can benefit all of the involved parties.

      Thank you for your time, in any case!

  11. As a depressed person this “blog” entry is entirely unhelpful to a population dealing with a medical issue. Depressed people are not selfish; using hat terminology adds to the already awful stigma. People with depression suffer with something that causes them to be able to effectively care for themselves and their relationships.

    Replace depression with any other medical disorder and see how that statement sounds. “Cancer patients are selfish, I shouldn’t have to do her work”, “I told him how to manage his diabetes my way, and he was ungrateful”, etc…

    Last point, suicide is not something that needs to be hid and ashamed of. It needs to be brought to the light and talked about. If we keep it a secret it will continue to get worse.

    Yeah, I really have more but this is astonishing and deeply hurtful to people dealing with mental health problems.

    1. Hi there,

      It was not my intention to hurt anyone – on the contrary.
      From an outside point of view, people with depression are not the easiest to handle.
      I have pushed away many people in my life because of my disorder, and as such, I recommended talking about your condition only with people who are truly interested in listening and are willing to try and help you.

      Regardless of the reason, forcing yourself on someone is not okay.

      My use of the word “selfish” was just as you described – I compared having depression to having your arms broken.
      In both cases, you may come across as needy and difficult but doesn’t mean that you are not in deep pain or don’t deserve to be heard.
      My use of the word “selfish” was ironic, and I debunked this notion at the end of the article.

      Suicide is not something that a person should keep to themselves – If you have suicidal thoughts you definitely need to talk to someone about them.
      Just make sure that it’s someone who won’t get annoyed at you for doing so.
      Being pushed away by someone that you opened your heart to will only make you feel worse

      The message of this article is “Find someone to talk to about your condition, just make sure that they are willing to listen.”
      I wrote this article from personal experience, and if I listened to this bit of advice a few years back I might’ve been a happier person today.

  12. I see what your saying for sure. I believe the skills you are talking about or kinda an awareness on how people are preceiving you. Some people you can be real and share your deepest emotions with, others you can’t. Some want to it all the time, others only sometimes. You want to make sure you don’t get so lost in your suffering that you ignore the world. A problem I’ve had to many times. It really is not getting to lost. The typical person with depression would read this and say “you should be real with all people” taking what I’m saying out of context. A issue all of us have. It’s easy to stay isolated. Good read as I try to learn as a person

    1. You’re absolutely right David! Opening your heart to the wrong person can end up being a huge mistake.

  13. Your articles are quite lovely! I appreciate your bravery- most mentally ill people don’t like to be accused of “bad attitudes, feeling sorry for themselves, playing the victim” because mental illness isn’t their fault and they don’t like to be stigmatized and blamed for their condition because it makes them hate themselves more than they already do. But we CAN be a pain in the gut sometimes and it’s refreshing to see someone speak up about that. There is a question lingering though. A lot of the information in this article seems more aligned with self-pity than mental illness. Mentally ill people will usually try their best to get better, not worse, once they recognize they have a problem. For me, I actually got worse after diagnosis and sunk deeper into self-destructiveness. Depressed people can self-pitying, victim playing, attention-seeking, selfish, childish, and unwilling to help themselves sometimes. But how do we distinguish these self-defeating and toxic depressives from the people who are just wallowing for pity, sympathy and attention? It’s a vague line I’m sure, but is there a difference?

    1. Hi Kip, thanks for the kind words!

      I would like to say once more that mentally ill people are not “sorry for themselves” or “playing the victim” – It’s not their fault that they suffer from one mental disorder or another.

      I wouldn’t call this reaction to depression “self-pity”, either.
      Rather, I think that “hopelessness” would be a much more accurate description – Many people who suffer from depression lose faith in their ability to ever get better, believing that they are doomed to a life of misery.

      I have known many people who are like that, and to some degree I felt like that myself from time to time.

      Here’s the thing though – That doesn’t make them any less, or more, deserving of your support.
      The point here is that you can’t just “force” yourself onto other people – find those who would accept you and lean on them.
      That’s actually a pretty specific category of people: Many of your friends wouldn’t want to spend time with you when you’re, from their point of view, “unloading” all of your problems onto them.

      It takes a special kind of person to stick by you and listen to you, yet at the same try to actively help you improve without being too forceful about it.
      Once you find someone like that don’t let them go, no matter how much you want to be alone (believe me, that’s depression talking)

      Cheers,
      Vlad

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